if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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