I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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