she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
