If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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