I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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