i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.