She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year