After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here