summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms