Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm

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(301): I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm http://tfl.nu/sws3

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(858): View more from California

that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...

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(858): that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey... http://tfl.nu/6cil

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(650): View more from California

so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.

(415): View more from California

What...you let him do that?

(650): View more from California

It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow

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(650): so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow. (415): What...you let him do that? (650): It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow http://tfl.nu/aum0

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(810): View more from Michigan

Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

Thanks dad.

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(810): Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game. (1-810): Thanks dad. http://tfl.nu/ga57

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(303): View more from Colorado

Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.

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(303): Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart. http://tfl.nu/j609

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

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(919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f

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(631): View more from New York

I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.

(1-631): View more from New York

I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.

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(631): I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified. (1-631): I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes. http://tfl.nu/l5ui

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(719): View more from Colorado

Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.

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(719): Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest. http://tfl.nu/sb3m

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(253): View more from Washington

My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"

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(253): My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair" http://tfl.nu/zzcb

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(714): View more from California

there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.

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(714): there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe. http://tfl.nu/faaw

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(501): View more from Arkansas

My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?

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(501): My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class? http://tfl.nu/2kq9

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer

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(+44): We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer http://tfl.nu/3muy

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(970): View more from Colorado

We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am

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(970): We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am http://tfl.nu/badm

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(213): View more from California

Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.

(1-213): View more from California

best text I've received ever.

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(213): Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon. (1-213): best text I've received ever. http://tfl.nu/3obm

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.

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(859): Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo. http://tfl.nu/co0z

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