I hate all girls vehemently.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
