What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize