When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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