I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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