Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
