i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
