so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my shit smells like andre
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
