No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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