dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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