You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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