yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
