Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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