His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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