Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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