you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
