soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
