guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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