dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
