I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
