I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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