is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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