Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
