Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
