a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
