It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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