I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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