Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish I could teleport
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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