Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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