i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
