Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.