Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.

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(334): View more from Alabama

how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.

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(325): View more from Texas

Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.

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(251): View more from Alabama

i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.

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(850): View more from Florida

I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.

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(917): View more from New York City

I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.

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