Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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