the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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