I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.