so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...