Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.

(407): View more from Florida

I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.

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(860): You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you. (407): I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige. http://tfl.nu/6i4m

Replies (1) Good night (1493) Bad night (479)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you

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(218): You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you http://tfl.nu/pqp2

Replies (29) Good night (1425) Bad night (2207)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea

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(978): I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea http://tfl.nu/kyal

Replies (28) Good night (3678) Bad night (1297)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.

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(440): I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit. http://tfl.nu/ddzq

Replies (7) Good night (1022) Bad night (3101)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.

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(519): I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible. http://tfl.nu/zom5

Replies (14) Good night (7824) Bad night (984)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

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(304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se

Replies (88) Good night (14729) Bad night (3029)
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(850): View more from Florida

"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?

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(850): "Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW? http://tfl.nu/ng2t

Replies (18) Good night (4052) Bad night (1263)
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(503): View more from Oregon

And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms

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(503): And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms http://tfl.nu/1av4

Replies (7) Good night (2456) Bad night (838)
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(716): View more from New York

Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.

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(716): Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him. http://tfl.nu/tozm

Replies (10) Good night (3338) Bad night (989)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child

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(330): I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child http://tfl.nu/htew

Replies (9) Good night (1960) Bad night (855)
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(757): View more from Virginia

FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer

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(757): FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer http://tfl.nu/zfwz

Replies (13) Good night (1823) Bad night (1070)
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(775): View more from Nevada

He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend

(1-775): View more from Nevada

I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman

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(775): He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend (1-775): I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman http://tfl.nu/d80q

Replies (10) Good night (2622) Bad night (993)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.

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(202): Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation. http://tfl.nu/g1cn

Replies (9) Good night (1127) Bad night (612)
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(818): View more from California

It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.

(440): View more from Ohio

It's important to play to your strengths.

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(818): It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014. (440): It's important to play to your strengths. http://tfl.nu/uc6m

Replies (0) Good night (709) Bad night (449)
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(914): View more from New York

I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero

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(914): I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero http://tfl.nu/isds

Replies (0) Good night (710) Bad night (215)

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