It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize