batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
