how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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