Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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