We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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