I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Small penises have feelings too.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
