Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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