How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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