I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
