Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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