You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
