"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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