we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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