Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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