After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
