Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
