Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
