i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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