just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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