i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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