Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
