my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
