I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
