I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
